I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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