PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
