Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize