just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
