He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
