I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
