The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
