What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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