I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
