i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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