I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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