first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
