Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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