Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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