Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How external is "for external use only"?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
