we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize