the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
