I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
