He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
