you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
