WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
