It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
