you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
