Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize