I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
