i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
