I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
