I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize