i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
