You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
