when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
