I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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