she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So much Jack, so little girl.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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