You just made me feel so damn special
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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