I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My vagina just clenched in fear
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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