my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
