so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
