just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
