ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
