I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
