Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
