I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
