how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
