The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
being pregnant is like rehab
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
