Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
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