ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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