you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
