Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
