i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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