You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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