Apparently you make a good broom.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
