I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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