Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
