My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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