I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
