she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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