we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
