flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
