so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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