Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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