He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
