I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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