She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
