we have officially lost it.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
