Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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