I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
