i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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