How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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