hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
