hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
