Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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